Thursday, February 10, 2011

Thursday Thinking -- ?

I'm reading Bonds That Make Us Free by Terry Warner.  If I remember right, Dr. Warner and Dr. Scoresby are/were colleagues.  Years and years ago Dr. Scoresby taught me there are four different kinds of personalities that emerge in conflict:  aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.  Aggressive says there is a fight even where there are no fists.  Passive pretends there is no fight even when fists fly.  Passive-Aggressive feigns ignorance and then gives a kidney punch when the opponent’s back is turned.  And Assertive sees fists drawn, holds her shoulders back and says, “I may not be a fighter, but I will not be bullied.”  Dr. Scoresby said it was our job to tame the aggressive, flame the passive, and flush the passive-aggressive.  He said only the assertive should be left standing. 

Another time he said, “You’re always apologizing.  That’s passive.  What would Jesus have done if he were like you?  He’d have tried to bake enough cookies to share with all the Sadducees and Pharisees and then apologized that they were mad at him when he handed them out.  That’s not what the real Jesus did.  No sir.  He spoke to the Sadducees and Pharisees forthrightly, but he did not tolerate their drivel because that would not have helped anybody.”  I got his point.  WWJD was not What Would Jane Do.  I had pretended that being passive was being patient and Christ-like.  (That’s easy enough to do, you know, pretend your faults are virtues.) 

I liked Dr. Scoresby.  Passive is not attractive and I’m glad he told me so.  (I was also relieved he didn’t call me passive-aggressive, because passive-aggressive is plain ugly.)  And that’s what I’ve been thinking about, out of all the random floating in my brain today that was one I focused on.  I wondered if I’ve done Dr. Scoresby proud.  Did I successfully move from passive to assertive and sidestep passive-aggressive?

Another thought:  Calvin makes me laugh.  At noon when Grace and I sat down to eat, she said, “Mom.  Guess what?  Dad always peeks in his Valentine box to see if anybody has put anything in it yet.”  Oh ho.  Somehow I was not surprised.  He peeks during prayers, too.  Guess what else?  Yesterday I got a cute little popcap looking tin full of mints from a vine-wine company and Grace got an itsy-bitsy, inch-sized bottle of Tabasco sauce in her mailbox.  Grace gave us each our own bag of mini-Reeses cups.  Five more days of surprises.

11 comments:

Rachel said...

I bet I know what inspired this Thursday Thinking! I'm glad I wasn't quite old enough for Dr. Scoresby to pinpoint me... I don't think I'd like swimming in the sewer.

Susan said...

Hmmm. I wonder what I am. I think I'm passive, but I don't know. I hate confrontation. It makes me sick to my stomach!

Rachel said...

Interesting. I have no idea what I am, but I would like to be assertive. Thanks for the food for thought!

Deidra said...

Should I even be willing to admit that when I started reading The Bonds That Make Us Free I was so hard-hearted I couldn't handle it? I think it might be time for another try, because I've heard it's really good. Though I doubt our library has it. I'll have to check.

Kim Sue said...

I'm most definitely passive (most of the time) but I really want to be assertive...really!!

Love how your husband participates....a carrot, a mini bottle of hot sauce, HA! all the while letting you know that he loves you guys!

Marie said...

You know, Jane, there is only one way to know if someone is peeking during a prayer! :-)

I've never heard of this book before. Thanks for letting me know about it.

Cali said...

I've spent the last 5 minutes deciding what I "think" I am. I just might be aggressive enough to DARE anyone to call me anything but assertive.

I'll be joining you in the sewers Aunt Rachel... I imagine sometimes aggressives get flushed too.

Cali

Derek-Jenny-Kaitlynd-Ethan-Dylan said...

I just finished a book about Abraham Lincoln. I thought of you often and figured you most likely already read it. If not it is called, Abraham Lincoln: God's Humble Instrument by Ron L. Andersen.
It was wonderful. It talked about his relationship with Heavenly Father and how dearly he held onto it. Such an amazing man.

Ande Payne said...

WWJD not being What Would Jane Do...classic Mom. One of your best lines. I laughed out loud when I read it.

michelle said...

Oh, dear. I think I am passive, but fear I may even be passive-aggressive. I really do want to be assertive. SO interesting his thoughts on Jesus not being passive. I tend to think of passive as being patient and long-suffering, too (you know, when I'm trying not to face my negative sides). Good food for thought here. So does that book help us learn to move to assertiveness?

I just love the things Calvin gives. And your family's comments here.

Jill said...

I think I may be all 4 of these! That's disturbing...no wonder I have so much conflict going on inside of me.

I took a class from Terry Warner while at BYU and have read The Bonds That Make Us Free, but it was before I was married so I really need to reread it now that I've got a large supply of personal experiences to draw from...yikes!