Sunday, October 18, 2009

52 Blessings—Trevor

In continuing on with the comments to 52 Blessings—Ande, it's Trevor’s turn . . .


Trevor, Michelle, Lacie, Niki, Cortney

Yesterday Trevor and I talked on the phone for over an hour about recipes, kids, goats, dogs, jobs and step-parenting. Trevor was six when Calvin and I got married and the courts finally allowed him to live with us when he was fifteen. Trevor and Michelle got married three years ago and he immediately became a parent to Michelle’s three girls. Yesterday on the phone Trevor said, “Oh man, I walked into something so much bigger than me when we got married. I just didn’t know it.” I laughed and said, “I hear you. Remember I was only nineteen when your dad and I got married and suddenly I became your other mom . . . (and then proceeded to remind him of a couple of stupid expectations I'd had and things I'd done)." Trevor and I both agreed that being a stepparent is one of the most difficult things we’ve done. For me it was often awkward, for though Trevor and Trent’s mother remarried long before Calvin did, I filled a place where those sweet little boys wished their mother was. I got to stay with their dad year round when they had to leave him. I brought new babies into their dad’s life that made less lap-time for them. I had more stringent rules than their other home had. I was like an overstuffed animal that was fun some of the time, but in the way most of the time. “The boys” would have loved nothing better than to have had their own mother and father under the same roof with their very own brothers and sisters—and I didn’t blame them, I would have felt the same way. But, that wasn’t the way it was and so I occupied that space as their stepparent. There were many, many fantastic days, but there were many, many exasperating days, too. And it took a lot of patience on both our parts.

Trevor concurred about the awkwardness and the patience required and we talked of some of our bumps and successes. I admire Trevor because he is not only a good dad, he’s a great dad. He loves Lacie, Niki and Cortney and works hard to have a good relationship with each of them. He never imagined so much pink and purple in his life. He had his dad make bows (bow-and-arrow bows) for Michelle and Cortney and paint them pink. (That was painful for Calvin and Trevor to paint beautiful wood, let alone paint it pink.) He paints bedrooms deep purple when he knows the whim might change and he'll have to paint it another color next year.

Trevor is not only a good son, he’s a great son. He doesn’t let a day go by that he doesn’t have contact with his dad. They have several common interests and whether they’re talking about raising game birds, hunting, cooking, animals or the weather they always close each conversation with “I love you.” Trevor also makes great effort to let me know he appreciates and loves me—he's funny when he calls asking for Neighbor Jane about a canning or homemaking tip.

Trevor is a dogged brother. As the oldest child in both of his families, he feels a responsibility to all nine of his siblings. He is fiercely proud of Cali, Abe, Ty and Ande. And protective. I remember when Ande was dating a guy a year or two ago; Trevor took her aside and asked her questions like, “Can he provide for you? Is he a worker? How is he with money?” He wasn’t joking, either. He wanted a plan. He always asks how every child in the family is doing when we see him or talk to him.

Trevor is a good and attentive husband. He loves nothing more than to have Michelle with him. She in turn, is a terrific sport. Oh my goodness, she tramps through swamps, mountains, muck and dale to support him. They are a strong team together. I love and admire her as much as I do Trevor.

Step-parenting has been a huge blessing in my life as it has taught me many important things, but undoubtedly the biggest blessing of all is Trevor, Michelle, Lacie, Niki and Cortney. I love and appreciate each one of them.


Kathy said...

Your analogy of the over stuffed animal is priceless. This post is amazing and wonderful about Trevor. How interesting that you both have step parenting in common. Something that none of us would sign up for, but many have done, and done well.

Ande Payne said...

Oh me too! Even if he stills calls me a "dorkus" and still teases me. I very distinctly remember watching conference when he lived with us. He let me sit on his back and run and jump around him the entire time. Only a great brother lets his three year old sister do that.

Elizabeth said...

I appreciate how you share the things you are grateful for. It always makes me notice more of them in my life.

Alisa said...

I love how you shared your parenting of "steps" in this post, a side I did not know much about.
All of your children sound so wonderful!

Cali said...


You summed Trevor (and girls) up so beautifully. He IS a great Big Brother. This post made cry a little bit, because I know how grateful I am for him, and how much I love him.

Trevor, thanks for being MY big brother. Also, thank you for marrying such a great woman (wink).

Emma J said...

What Elizabeth said captures my feelings exactly. Your posts make me look at my own life with renewed eyes!

Lyle and Mary: said...

Great tribute and so nice to learn about Trevor's qualities, what a great son, brother and father.