Saturday, July 6, 2013

Life in Our World - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, and The Other

The Good

On Thursday, Friday, and Saturday Calvin and Ray went to the nethermost side of Wyoming to check out the antelope for a hunt this fall.  They had a great road trip which included stopping at The Battle of Little Big Horn and the Headwaters of the Missouri.  As a historical note, they also stopped at Van Tassel, Wyoming, Population 4, the home of the first American Legion Post.

While they traversed, Cali, Levin, and Atlas came and stayed with me.  We rocked babies, played, very much enjoyed being together, and had good conversation (when Levin is hurt he limps and says, "wounded soldier," at other times he says, "good golly" or "Aye. Yi. Yi."  He's almost as fun to talk to as Cali).  

Joe traveled all last week so Ande and Zeph went to South Carolina to see Joe's mom.

Abe and Grace went to Mississippi to spend the 4th with Ty, Michelle, and Afton.

We were scattered, but mostly we were together and that was a very good feeling.

The Bad

Calvin and I don't argue much, but there is one thing that gets my blood boiling every time and that is when he catches rattlesnakes.

I'll let the family texts tell the story that happened on Wednesday:

Calvin:  Cactus Cal catches another one.

He's alive.

He's still alive.

Ande:  Yikes.  Way to go Dad.  Glad you didn't get bit again.

Ty:  Dad, do you have foonyetta for brains?

Ty:  That is pretty neat though.

Grace:  Yuck.

Abe:  Ha ha.  Where?

Calvin:  Crab Creek . . . over by Royal.  He wasn't too mad.

Jane:  Ohhhh noooooo.  I hate these.  Worse than I hate locking my keys in the car and waiting for the locksmith and getting charged $75.

Grace:  Me too.

Grace:  I hate them worse than I hate our security system going off in the middle of the night and waiting for an hour and a half for the maintenance guy to get here.  My ears are still ringing and I'd still rather go through that than see a snake.

Jane:  We be mates Grace.  I hope your ears quit ringing.  Abe why don't you tell your dad that snake parable again.  (The one where the snake talks the boy into carrying it down the mountain.)

Jane:  Who was taking this picture so that you could concentrate on not getting bit?

Calvin:  me . . . and it was hard . . . and somewhat tense

Cali:  Dad, I'll sing at your funeral . . . with behavior like that, it can't be long.  I think there's a Washington state law against texting and handling poisonous snakes . . . like texting and driving.

Jane:  Where is the snake now?

Cali:  Heaven?

Cali:  Hell?

Cali:  Who can say?  Who can say?

Calvin:  By the time I got back to the office and stopped the pickup . . . he was about 3/4 of the way out . . . I showed him to B & J . . . then caught him again and cut his head off . . . he is in rattlesnake heaven . . . you can rest easy Janey Payney

Jane:  Nope.  There are still tonight's dream to get through first.  I think I'll go lock my keys in the car again so I have time to sit and think about it.

The Ugly

My friend Julie called and invited me to go to water-zumba with her this week.  It was my first experience exercising in an organized group.  Oh my goodness, what fun to dance in the water.  It didn't even seem like exercising.

A downfall was that I didn't realize the elastic in the waist of my swimming suit bottoms was shot until I was in the pool.  I kept one hand clutched to them especially since one of my male students was our lifeguard.  It's bad enough seeing your always-wearing-a-dress teacher sporting normal clothes, but it's another experience entirely seeing your teacher in a swimsuit.  I pitied him.

A second downfall was I locked my keys (and purse and phone) in the car the morning Calvin caught the rattlesnake (which would explain why he never answered my distress call from a borrowed phone).  Since Calvin didn't answer, and our only two sets of keys were inside the locked car, the only other thing I knew to do was to go to our auto insurance company and ask them to call a locksmith for me.

I see our very professional, dignified, and coiffed auto-agents once or twice a year.  I never see them when I'm wearing a dripping, baggy swimsuit and a white bath towel swung around my neck like a scarf with wet-plastered hair and dripping mascara.  Never.

They acted very quickly in my behalf and tried to give me nothing but eye contact.

It was an embarrassing experience no matter how good my 4th-of-July-sparky-red toenails looked.

I finished the day by taking a writing final.   It was short answer and an on-the-spot essay. After a morning like I'd had, I had no trouble writing with fervor.  The essay had a snake in it.

The Other

We had a yard sale to earn money for our Young Women to go to Girls' Camp.

It was two hot days of wondering why-is-it-we-do-these-things-again?  And then at the end when we had made enough money and one of the girls had made me a bracelet from yard-sale yarn, it was this-was-a-great-experience-and-this-is-why-we-do-these-things.

We had some pretty classic things to sell.  I'll let the family texts show you:

Jane:  At the YW yard sale.  Anybody need anything?

Abe:  Is there anything good?

Jane:  Define "good."

Grace:  I love yard sales!

Michelle:  I'll take a snow cone.

Jane:  We're out of snow cones, but we have these . . .

. . . cross-stitched wildlife.  Pheasants in particular.

Michelle:  Oooooh that's a tempting trade but I think I'll pass.  If they were peacocks I might reconsider.

Abe:  Any camping gear?

Michelle:  Or turkeys -- I'd put one in every room to make it feel like Thanksgiving all year long.

Cali:  Hahaha.  This yard sale looks like it's popular.  Let me know if the pheasants don't sell.  I've got "a friend" with a birthday coming up . . .

Jane:  I'm not sure they're your friend's style.

Cali:  Oh.  Well, do they have any quail?  Her husband would like those.

Jane:  No quail.  Just deer.

Abe:  Any camping gear ????

Jane:  No, but there is an ab lounger and I'm modeling it.  It's half off for $10

Cali:  Are you bringing it home?

Michelle:  I'm going to print those pictures and hang them on my wall for motivation.  My mother-in-law has had four kids and still has abs of steel.

Jane:  I'd be glad to autograph them.

And that was life in our world.  What was your good, bad, ugly, and other?


Jill said...

I wish you and Calvin had your own reality tv show, I'd definitely watch it!!

camery said...

I read this twice just for the sheer pleasure of it all. I giggled and giggled. You, jane payne, MUST write a book. (Or make your journals public. You choose.) Of that was an example of a "blood boiling" fight between the two of you then I'm not exactly sure what to say... I think cactus cal got off mighty easy that time. :) I hope you've since purchased a new swimming suit AND gone back to class. (Lifeguard/student be dang-ed

Ande said...

This was a funny blog. I loved the rattle snake story and visualizing your water Zumba, being locked out of your car, and having to go to the insurance company. I agree with Camry, you should write a book.

Julie said...

I was right next to you for all the ugly (well, not waiting for the locksmith who I hope came quickly) and you handled it all with grace and style! Thank goodness no one in the pool had goggles on! That's the beauty of exercising in the visible jiggles!

Amie said...

I love your stories!

I would fight about the snake catching too. I'm not a risk taker and have not converted Jimmy to my safe ways, so I sympathize.

I would read your book or watch your series!

Becky said...

Oh-I laughed and laughed! Who needs an ab lounger when you have such humorous stories to read?! :-)

Marie said...

CALVIN CAUGHT A RATTLESNAKE??? And the 'blood boiling every time' leads me to believe that this is not the first time? Oh, that is a crazy man. I live in rattlesnake country, but have never actually come across one and hope I never do.

Your keys story made me giggle.