Monday, March 3, 2014

Monday Memories - Diapers-2 Calvin-0

This memory is coming out of the mothballs.

As you know, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has no paid clergy, so members of the congregation give the sermons. One winter day a good twenty seven years ago, Calvin was asked to speak in church. His week had been busy with winter-scout camp, teaching seminary, work, and calving heifers so he asked me at the last minute to bail him out and speak for him.

That Sunday morning I sat up in front of the congregation with the bishopric, other speakers, and chorister. Calvin sat on the back row of the chapel with Cali (3), Abe (1), and Ty (0). Soon after the meeting began, Calvin motioned for me to come down off the stand. He lifted Ty up and away from him and was giving a heavy nod to his diaper. I smiled back at him real big and shook my head, "No."  He motioned more desperately, gave me a stink-eye, and mouthed, “Blow-out.”

Up to that point, I remember Calvin changing one other diaper and that was when Cali was a baby. I’d come home from a Relief Society meeting and he told me how she’d cried and cried and cried because he’d poked her with the diaper pin.

Calvin had started to panic on the back row by now.  It’s not like a 3 year old and a 1 year old are much help in any crisis let alone a diaper crisis. But I was on base. I was safe. Calvin was going to have to take care of that cloth-diaper-change-in-the-days-before-diaper-wipes all on his own.  

And, he did . . . and that memory has been replayed a time or two. Of course when you’ve only changed two diapers in your life, it’s bound to be remembered.

But all this changed when Calvin became a grandpa. Why, he’s changed a dozen diapers in the last few years.

This morning I left to teach seminary at 6. Atlas and Levin have spent several days with us while Cali and Ray have been in San Diego. For several mornings the past week it was Calvin’s job to get Levin and Atlas up, changed, fed, dressed, and to the babysitter by 7:45.

It went off without a hitch.

Until today. 

 I got this text at 7:59 am.


Hahahahaha.  Once again, I was safe on the Lord's errand.  

And when I got home 30 minutes post-crisis, I found him like this:

(Yes you are correct, that would be a cloth diaper draped across his face.  I saved a box of the kids' old ones.  I always thought those diapers would make great bandages in a catastrophe, civil war, or earthquake. Finally, after moving that box three different times, I pulled the diapers out of mothballs last year and put them in the rag drawer.  Just in time for Calvin's emergency.)

When he pulled the rag off his face he said, "It was everywhere.  E.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e.  I ran out of wipes. I just grabbed rags and used them.  Check the trash.  I threw them all away."  

Nope.  Not all of them.  There are still plenty of diapers in the drawer . . . and more grandkids.  I've got you covered Calvin.  


melanie said...

Hahahahaha!! I love this post. I've been laughing about his text since I read it!

Calvin- YOU are the best grandpa ever!!

Lynn C. Jaynes said...

Caught up on some blog reading today. Fun to see the family and be uplifted by your posts. May you sit on the speaker's stand often when there are diaper blowouts. The Lord blesses us in not-so-mysterious ways.

Jill said...


Tyler - Danielle - Emree said...

I make Tyler change wet diapers, but watching him change a poopy diaper is hilarious and he turns into so much work. He always uses about 20 wipes and gets it everywhere. They can train him to save lives lol but I will alway rock his world when it comes to diapers ;)

Kathy said...

I repeat a conversation we had a few years ago, "Our husbands are lucky to have us for their wives". Calvin must know how lucky he is, there you are, helping him get ready for the Celestial Kingdom.

Neighbor Jane Payne said...

Melanie, when I read your comment to Calvin he said, "She's always so good to me." Yes. Yes. you are Melanie, and we both appreciate it. Thank you.

Lynn you're right. Most of our blessings really aren't so mysterious after all are they.

Jill I'm glad you liked it. I thought his text was quite funny myself.

Danielle, I like your comment that they train Tyler to save lives but handling a dirty diaper is still beyond him. Calvin always says, "God gave women a special gift to handle the smell." I tell him he's full of poppy-rot, but he insists the mess bothers him more than it bothers me!

Kathy, I DO remember that conversation! I am definitely good practice material!

Deidra said...

I laughed out loud as I read this, so Chris wanted to know what was so funny and I had to read it to him. We both had a good laugh!

It never dawned on me why previous generations of men didn't change as many diapers as they do now: diaper changing used to require a lot more skill (with folding and pinning and whatever else). I'm so glad that diapers (cloth and disposable) are so much more user friendly now.

Though poop-splosions are trouble, no matter what. That's when we start running the bath water! :)

Rachel said...

I'm glad Uncle Calvin is broadening his survival skills to include diaper blow-out changing! He is SO handy!