Tuesday – The Bride of March

Joe and Ande's engagement picture

Happy Ides of March to you.  (Joe, that title pun was for you.)  Did you know that General George Washington quelled a mutiny of his officers on this day in 1783?  Well, you do now.

It’s also three days before Ande and Joe get married.  I have had several people ask me why the kids’ receptions are like they are, so I thought I’d answer that today:

Their weddings take place in a Mormon temple.  Each one has chosen a different one:  Cali and Ray – Columbia River Washington, Abe and Grace – Salt Lake City Utah, Ande and Joe – Seattle Washington, Ty and Michelle – Denver Colorado.  Temple sealings, as we call them, are private affairs with less than 30 or 40 close family and friends in attendance.  After the temple sealing, the kids host a reception and/or open house for all friends and family.

Each of the kids has chosen to have a dinner and program in Moses Lake as part of their wedding celebration.  There are three reasons for this:

1. Remember when Tzeitel and Motel got married in Fiddler on the Roof and all the Jews joined in for the celebration with food and song?  Well, that’s the premise for their reception dinner and program.  The kids have wanted a place and time to celebrate with family and friends.  As a new couple they mingle with the guests and walk from table to table to greet them rather than stand in a line while the guests file by. 

Reason number one why the kids host a dinner and program is to have a celebration with friends and family that lasts the evening, and where they can mingle among them.

2. To thank the community.  Each of the people that come to the receptions/open house has somehow and in some way helped our kids on the road to adulthood.  Some provided employment, be it babysitting, waitressing, field work, yard work, house work, clerical work.  Some have been their school teachers; others have been their teachers at church.  Still others have been their mentors and friends.  Many have fed and clothed them, and invited them to game nights and parties.  By hosting a dinner and short program, the kids have a way to thank all of those people for investing in them.  They also have a chance (through the short program) to tell everyone where they are now and what their plans are for the near future. 

Reason number two is to thank those who have helped them.

3. It’s less expensive.  I hate to include costs as one of the top three reasons, but it is.  Several years ago my friend Mary and I did re-sets in drug stores together – someone besides the store employees organize all of those foot products.  During one of our resets Mary and I were talking about her daughter’s upcoming wedding.  Mary had done her research and told me how much money to expect to spend when it was our turn.  By the time our kids began to marry, Mary’s advice was still accurate.  (Mary is very creative and parsimonious, so her advice was bound to carry through economic bounces.)  When the kids became engaged we told them how much we had for their weddings and then said they were free to allocate it any way they chose.  When it came to budgeting refreshments, we found that it was less expensive (by far) to cook and serve a meal than it was to serve a fancy drink, hor’dourves, or even a personalized wedding cake (excepting sheet cakes from Costco or the grocery bakery).  By cooking ourselves (or having friends help), a meal was the most affordable option.  Serving a meal was important enough to each of the kids that they have forgone other traditional wedding expenses (like lots of floral bouquets or large wedding cakes [though Grace and Michelle both have wedding cake connections and could do both!]).  

Reason number three is because it fits the budget.

If you didn't get an invitation and you feel overlooked, you probably were but it doesn't mean you aren’t wanted or welcome!  Tom and Gail E. didn't get an invitation to Cali and Ray’s wedding (we weren't in the same ward at church, their kids were older and younger than Cali, etc. so we didn't send them an invitation).  I was so glad that Tom announced a month later that they didn't get an invitation and they didn’t plan on missing another reception of ours!  Now that’s a friend – someone who doesn't take offense and lets you know they want to celebrate with you.  So, if we overlooked you, it wasn't intentional so please don’t feel slighted.  Just come.

I’m off to fill the cookie jar for guests coming into town, and make a pan of toffee for the wedding.  We need it for the dessert.  I’ll tell you about that later.

If you could redo something about your wedding reception, what would it be?